Man rant!

I listen to a lot of podcasts, YouTube, and occasionally peruse Facebook. It seems lately that all of them have decided that I am in dire need of some personal grooming. I’m suddenly inundated with adds for ‘manscaping’ tools and special manly organic soaps to make my private areas smell better. For starters, I was a little disappointed that the term ‘manscape’ had been hi-jacked. I’d always used that term when I trimmed the hedges and flower beds with a weed wacker. Secondly, and I direct this to the younger males in my readership, so called ‘manscaping’ will soon be the least of your concerns. Allow me to explain…..

I was sitting in my chair not too many days ago, reading. Another thing you will find as the years roll on, is the need for reading glasses. I buy mine in bulk. This particular evening there was something on my right lens. I wiped it off a couple times but it remained. I took them off and gave them a good T-shirt cleaning to no avail. I still had what looked like a hair directly in my line of vision. I became suspicious and walked to the bathroom to look in the mirror. To my horror, my fears were confirmed. A half an inch long hair was growing right smack out of the end of my nose! Not out of my nostril, no, right out of the end of my nose. If I let it go and let the keratin build up I would have been a rhinoceros in no time.

I’m not going to lie. That was a punch in the old ego. I plucked that hair, then my eyebrows, then got out the super duper trimmer and went after my nostrils and my ears, inside and out, then had my lovely, and incredibly understanding bride shave my neck. I sat down on the edge of the tub, defeated, depressed, and ‘manscaped’ in not nearly as sexual way as the advertisements would lead one to believe.

I was reflecting on my younger years, my younger body, my younger hair that stayed were it belonged, when……when…..HOLY COW!!!…. I think I may have just solved one of the great mysteries of our world. This is so exciting. I can’t believe no one has thought of this before. This is truly scientific and I’m not waiting for publication in some fancy schmancy journal, nope, I’m going to announce it right here, right now.

Bigfoot, Sasquatch, the Yeti, they’re not sub humanoid species, or even their own class or family of mammals. Not at all!! They’re just old dudes who stopped caring, went out to the woods and stopped shaving, plucking, trimming and ‘manscaping’! Man, I get it. If I could, I’d wander out in the trees, grow hair all over, eat raw meat and wild berries. Don’t you get it, they never get caught because after a few months of wandering around messing with trail cameras and arousing local suspicion to possible bigfoot sightings, their wives come out and say something like, “You’ve got to go to the family reunion” or “you have to go to the wedding” and they come in, shave, clean up, ‘manscape’ and POOF, bigfoot is nowhere to be found. That’s it! I can’t believe I figured it out all by myself.